One Week (and some thoughts on Postpartum)

Today is Xavier's one week mark. I can hardly believe he's been here that long already and I know that time will only continue to fly by. He had his first doctor's appointment today, and got a (mostly) clean bill of health. His weight is back up to 6 lbs 8 oz (versus him being 6 lbs 4 oz when we left the hospital) and our doctor thought he looked very well. However, he is still mildly jaundiced (nothing to worry about - he just needs some more sun). We have a check up appointment Monday.

Even though he came while we were insured (he was sure cutting it close though) I'm already having some headaches with the insurance. You see, when I get dependent insurance on Xavier, it'll cover 30 days prior to - this is because of the lag getting his social security number. I would LIKE to apply for said dependent insurance as soon as possible, so I called the hospital up today to see how soon we'd get it. Their answer? Two to three MONTHS before we get his social security number OR birth certificate. Okay, new route: call the social security office and see if that's faster. Nope - the social security office needs a birth certificate to process the number. So, I called back the hospital (a little irritated) to figure out what could be done. Turns out they can send me a letter that verifies that we applied for a number and that there is a lag, and I'm supposed to fax this to my insurance company. *sigh* Here's hoping that's fine. I put off calling my insurance company today and am going to do it (eventually) tomorrow. (I say eventually because I can't really have a time table anymore. Everything is on Xavier's schedule. But you know what? That's okay. I don't have a problem with it. I love him so much, it's ridiculous.)

By the way, and perhaps this is just because I had such an easy pregnancy and delivery, I think postpartum is the worst part in regards to this baby having business. Allow me to elaborate...

First, there's the Baby Blues, which I had a bout of yesterday. The following information is from here, and my personal experiences and annotations are in bold in brackets. (By the way Wikipedia says that 75-80% of mothers experience this...because Wikipedia is legit.)

Symptoms of the Blues

Many mothers feel very emotional and upset when they have the blues and they cry for no particular reason. They may find that it is impossible to cheer up. Some mothers feel very anxious and tense. Minor problems may cause mothers with the blues to worry a great deal.

Some mothers have pains for which there is no medical cause or they may feel unwell but without any particular symptoms. [Yesterday, I was CERTAIN I was getting sick. I was running a low grade fever, had a splitting headache, cold chills, and felt achy all over. Two hours later, after some irrational tears, I felt fine.] Most mothers who have the blues feel very tired and lethargic most of the time. Frequently mothers who have the blues have difficulty sleeping. [Also yesterday, I was running on three hours or so of sleep, and for the life of me could not nap at all during the day, or evening, and even had trouble going to bed at night.]

Possible causes of the Blues

The blues may have several causes, some biological and some emotional.

When a baby is born there are very sudden changes in the mother's hormone levels. Some, required during pregnancy, drop rapidly, while others like those which start the production of milk, rise. These rapid changes may act to trigger the blues.

Many mothers are unprepared for the extreme weariness, which often follows a birth. The weariness is usually due to a combination of factors. In many cases the mother will have been anticipating the birth with some apprehension. [During my pregnancy, I was scared to death of the huge responsibility of becoming a mother. I never really had any maternal instinct as a child and I was worried that I would be a terrible despondent mother. Couple this with some irrational weepy feelings, and I was miserable.] This, as well as the physical exertion of the birth itself, can make mothers feel exhausted. Rest and quiet are most important after a birth. Few mothers get either, as they are busy responding to the needs of the baby, Or, when they might be able to rest, they are disturbed by hospital or home routines or by visitors who may stay too long.

Sometimes the baby may have a slight health problem such as jaundice or feeding difficulties in the early days. [Two days ago, my mother - who is also a mild worrier, but also used to work in obstetrics as a nurse - was concerned about his jaundice. This led to my (eventual) emotional breakdown that I was going to give Xavier brain damage and that I was a terrible mother, and that I was going to completely screw raising a child up. He was strapped in the car, headed to the ER before I calmed down and decided to wait for his doctor's appointment today. Which was better, since the doctor said to stop worrying about it and just put him in the sun.] These problems are very common with new babies, but they cause mothers great anxiety. The problems do settle down as the baby gets older and mothers should try to talk to medical staff and allow themselves to be reassured that the baby will thrive.

Couple these feelings with hot flashes and night sweats, the feeling that your insides are falling out every time you go to stand, the general soreness of an area that was stretched out WAY too far, the inability to poop, the lack of stomach muscles (I couldn't even blow my nose out well when I was irrationally crying) and this is ABSOLUTELY the worst part of the whole baby having business.

I am surprised that I don't feel overwhelmed with feeding him early in the morning, and his crying doesn't bother me either. So, it's not the BABY that's bad - it's all the hormonal postpartum crap.

I honestly don't think I ever imagined loving motherhood this much. Like I said before, I don't mind getting up at 3am to feed Xavier, because I know it's good for him and I'm just happy he's eating and is a healthy baby.

I also remarked to my husband on the way home from the doctor's office that I feel like I fell in love with him (The Husband, that is) even more and in an almost different way. I never doubted he would be a good father (I know, I say it all the time) but seeing him as a father is a completely different experience and emotional ride (completely positive) all together.

Oh, I forgot to explain why The Husband is THE MOST AMAZING THING EVER. Two days ago, my mom came over to get a haircut (read: see the baby). So, I went with her and left Xavier with The Husband, who was also doing work. While I was with my mother, he watched the baby, did his work, took our dog for a walk, and cooked my mom and dad dinner (salads, spaghetti, bread, the whole nine yards). He has been SUCH A MAJOR HELP to me lately. He sweeps the floors, does laundry, changes Xavier's diaper tons, gives Xavier baths, watches Xavier while I nap, fixes meals, does the dishes, mows the lawn, walks the dog...all after he goes to the office and works. I told him that seeing him work so hard makes me feel like half the parent he is.

I really do need to learn how to adjust and manage my time. My advertising class begins this upcoming Monday, not to mention I need to get back to working some. I've got a To Do List for tomorrow (it consists of an entire FOUR THINGS) that I'm going to see if I can get done in a reasonable amount of time.

I still can't believe he's been here a week.

It feels more like an hour.