I have finally decided that I have been away from Charleston long enough to fully evaluate and blog about our experiences there, without it turning into a three page rant about how awful it was (which I did draft, and decided it was simply too depressing/negative to post).
When Tom graduated with his Ph.D. it was a little stressful, as the job market that year was pretty dismal. However, we were very lucky and he got a great job with the State down in Charleston. We initially moved into a downtown neighborhood, aware that some people had regarded it as dangerous, but a lot of that we had chalked up to racial bias, something that is a little bit stronger in the southern part of our state.
Initially, things went well. We were, for the most part, able to walk downtown, although Tom had to drive to his job every day which was a huge change for us. Granted, just him having a 9-5 style job was a big shift, since when he worked as a graduate student, his schedule was incredibly flexible. It was a time for adjustment for our whole family.
I was lucky enough to find and join a fantastic group called Mother's & More (of which I discuss a little bit here) and did get a small network of friends (some of whom I still keep in close contact today!) and also was able to have Xave in a few playgroups. However, Charleston, unlike Morgantown, has a large network of suburbs, and most playdates we were unable to attend since they were not walkable.
As months went by, we noticed finances were becoming tighter, and tighter. The tenant in our house moved out, which made our house payment, plus rent, plus two sets of utilities that much harder on us. We had decided that perhaps it might be good for me to go back to work, and I was happy not only to find fast employment, but one at a daycare center where they would also be able to watch Xavier at a discounted rate. My time at the daycare was wonderful, as I worked with a group of 2 year olds that were really fun. Xavier was across the hall from me, so I could keep an eye on what was going on. However, after a few months, I had some issues with one of the workers and how she treated the children in Xavier's room. The administrator blew off my concern as a parent as drama as a coworker, and I quit. I would not allow Xavier to be in a situation I deemed unsafe or inappropriate, and the fact that the administrator would not take my points of concern seriously greatly upset me.
I looked for another job, and found one (again, thankfully quickly) doing kitchen remodeling design. However, this did not solve the issue of daycare for Xavier. We found one in the city that had a fantastic reputation (and also a considerably higher cost) and enrolled him.
It is also around this time that we gradually started noticing how genuinely dangerous our neighborhood was. It wasn't just that we were living in a poor minority neighborhood, but that there were constantly police cars, news reports of drug raids, and murders, shootings, and various other nasty things occurring around us. When Tom and I came home at 5pm to see a large drug raid taking place down our street (complete with gunfire and people getting shot), we finally decided that was the final straw, and we needed to move (as if the drive by a block down our street on the 4th of July wasn't a big enough hint? At the time, we just chalked it up as crazy and random.).
While I was back home for a week with Xavier (I learned I was pregnant not too long before this point), and my family needed me home for a bit anyway) Tom found us an townhouse apartment in a small town outside of the city. While Xavier and I were away, he packed up all of our things (after getting off of work no less) and moved us. Xavier and I came back to a new townhome, that was actually closer to where Tom and I worked. However, we couldn't find a suitable daycare in the area, so we were driving in peak traffic 30-45minutes into the city to take him, and then another 45-1hour stretch when we picked him up after work. The situation was getting very distressing, as my husband and I are very pro-walkability and do not enjoy being constrained in a car - especially when we have just gotten done working all day. It seemed like by the time we got home, we ate dinner and then had to put Xavier to bed, so we weren't really even getting any quality time with him.
It was then that Tom applied for a job back in Morgantown, with which we all rested our hopes on. He got the job and we were incredibly excited to move back into our home, and back to Morgantown where things felt much safer and more familiar. With not having a house payment and rent (plus two sets of utilities), I would also be able to go back to being a stay at home mother (something that would have probably been inevitable with baby Joseph on the way anyway).
So that's how we made a big circle in less than a year, and while things sound pretty awful (Tom and I describe it as feeling like it was a really awful dream we had) there were a lot of positive things we were able to draw from it. For one, it made me get used to a more consistent schedule. It also drew our family closer together in the sense that when we were in Morgantown before we moved, we were lacking a tiny bit of cohesion, and managed to really finish putting everything together. It also made us thankful for just how safe Morgantown is, and the wonderful community that exists here. Having been back to work since Xavier was born, I have a million times great appreciation for what it means to be a stay at home mother, not to mention talking to other mothers and creating friendships with them really helped. While in Morgantown prior to our move, I had no friends who were parents and that was at times very difficult. When we moved back, I made it a point to make sure I found friends who had young children, not only for Xavier to play with, but for me to connect with as well.
I guess what I am attempting to say in all of this, was that while our experience in Charleston was far less from ideal, it was a time in which we experienced a lot of growth as a family , and something I would never say that I regret. What happened down there was very important. In a lot of ways it solidified parts of my identity. I walk a lot more now (I would say close to about 1.5-2 miles a day) to various places because I know how it felt to not be able to walk and get out and do things. I also understand and am incredibly grateful to be a stay at home mother, and being able to watch my son grow and mature and learn and simply watch his brain cells explode! :)
...it's really nice to finally have that out on "paper"...
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